“How many of you have ever felt personally victimized by Regina George?”
Let’s face it – women can be complicated. If you’re like me you can recall the first time you were ever hurt by one of your “best friends” all the way back in first or second grade. You remember the feeling of being left out or not being good enough. I can remember when my friends turned against me for seemingly no reason and I was forced to over analyze what must be wrong with me.
Perhaps you’ve never had close female friends and are terrified by the very idea of them. Maybe you made it all the way through grade school with the same friends and went off to college to find out that your boyfriend slept with another girl. If this is the case you’ve probably had trouble trusting other women.
It took me until I was in my twenties to learn to trust other women again. When I made it to high school I’d sworn off girls and joined a merry band of brothers instead. I acted like a man, thought like a man and regarded other women the way men do. The bad thing about men is they don’t always give appropriate advice on emotional matters. Most of the time men avoid their feelings and in my experience, advise you to do the same. As a naturally emotional being, I realized that I was stunting my own growth by not leaning on other women.
It started slowly at first but I invited women into my life. When I walked into a room of people I didn’t know, I swallowed my pride and worked up the courage to introduce myself to other women. Sometimes I even asked for their phone number or asked them to add me on Facebook. Instead of flocking towards men, I forced myself to approach other women which in turn, made me seem more approachable. Before I knew it, I had built some truly beautiful friendships.
Here’s why I cherish my girlfriends:
- No one understands a woman better than a woman. Try telling your boyfriend that you feel like your coworker purposely “misplaced” your stapler in what feels like a passive aggressive response to the time you lost her favorite pen – he will laugh directly into your face! Now it’s a petty example but sometimes – whether it’s hormones, lack of sleep or just a Tuesday – I am a little sensitive. You know those days when you wake up and take everything personally? The dog peed on the rug, you got a speeding ticket on the way to work and now this mean old lady is taking your things! Only a woman will sit there, listen to you, let you finish and then find exactly the right words to say. You’ll probably both be reeling from laughter by the end of it all.
- Women have a sixth sense. They know when you’re just putting on a smile and faking it. They can tell just by the texts you send them that you need a face mask, a corny movie, a greasy pizza and a hug. They will come over to take care of you or they’ll trap you into going to their place where they will ambush you with fun and friendship.
- Compliments mean more from a woman. In movies and TV shows we’re often portrayed as empty headed bimbos who gush over each other’s nail polish. Very seldom will you get compliments like that from your real friends. Instead they’ll say things like, “You’ve come so far I’m so proud of you” or “You’re so easy to talk to I feel like I could tell you anything”. Those are true confidence boosters.
- They always have your back. Need a tampon? Sarah’s got one in her bag. Need a hair tie? Mel has one on her wrist. Need someone to spy on your bf who you’re 99% sure is cheating on you but don’t want to sound crazy by asking him? Alexis is already in her corolla on the way to his house to stake it out. Do them a solid and return the favor.
- Men can be pigs. Since I met my husband I haven’t once worried if he’s cheated on me or if he’s smoking up the light bill or gambling off our mortgage money. I don’t mean that kind of pig. I mean like an actual pig – when he’s covered in dirt, eating all the leftovers and not double flushing the toilet after he’s been in there for an hour. When you live with a manly man it’s really nice to get out and be around other women. Clean, polite, grown-up women who organize their chapsticks and receipts in the zipper pocket of their purse.
- If you’ve got a friend you’ve got another closet. Yes! The very best part of having sisters or girlfriends is swapping clothes, accessories and shoes! You just have to treat them respectfully, contribute to the pool and return them when asked.
- They will tell you the truth. True friends will tell you when it’s time to call it quits on that guy you met from tinder who has four pet ferrets. You’re starting to smell like a hamster cage and we just feel like you deserve so much better. Besides, aren’t you more of a dog person? Give that guy Jason from work a second shot, at least he has a job.
- Crying isn’t considered weak. I consider my friends strong when they’re able to fully process their emotions and allow themselves to cry in front of me. It brings us closer together and strengthens our bond. Countless times I’ve just sobbed in front of my girls and they just let me cry until I was finished. Then they loved on me and didn’t leave my side.
- They’re the ones who will help you clean up. Women who were raised properly will help you with the dishes after the party and they will pick up after themselves in your house and car. They will even help you clear up the wreckage of your past if you can’t do it on your own.
- They don’t give up on who they love. That is as simple as it gets. They don’t give up. As long as they have a breath and a fuck to give, they’ll be by your side through thick and thin and that’s what matters the most.
So, am I a perfect friend? Hell no – But I’m trying to be a better friend and I’m aware I need to do some work. Do I occasionally partake in gossip? Yes. Do I occasionally resent my friends for insignificant instances that are usually the result of my own self centeredness? Yes. However, I’m learning in real time how to be a true friend.
No one said making friends would be easy. This isn’t something we were taught in school you know? My parents never sat me down and talked to be about the importance of honesty and integrity. It’s something that should come naturally. But being a good friend and a decent human sometimes take a backseat to our own needs and desires. Every time I am faced with the reality that I’ve been a bad friend I try to own it immediately then make an honest apology and do my best to change my behavior.
I thank God for the women in my life who’ve taught me everything I know, from simple things like how to brew a pot of coffee and remove a blood stain to the big things like filing my taxes and being a good wife. I couldn’t do it without you ❤️
Thanks for reading!
Until next time